Five Ways
by xfirefly9x
Summary: House/Cuddy/Cameron/Chase/Wilson. In Room 214, more goes on than the nurses would ever want to know about. Crack fic, slightly OOC.


**_Five Ways_**

"Oh my god!"

They were the words that ended it all. The secrecy, the forbiddenness, ruined.

Heart still in her chest, Cuddy flicked her gaze from House's to the stunned one of Cameron and Chase who were dangerously close to one another (Cameron's hand lay over Chase's heart) and staring at them from the doorway.

"Oh my god," Cameron said again, voice clearly shocked.

"Were you two about to," Cuddy asked, waving her hands about, "you know?"

Wide-eyed, Cameron pointed vaguely between Cuddy and House both of whom were in a state of partial undress. Various pieces of their clothing lay scattered around the room, including House's jeans and Cuddy's panties. Luckily, House's dress shirt was a few sizes too large and covered his leg and any parts he'd prefer to keep unseen and Cuddy had chosen to wear a skirt to work which she quickly pushed down.

"You mean were we about to do what you're in the middle of?" Cameron spluttered.

Cuddy cleared her throat and smiled awkwardly as she nodded in affirmation. It wasn't like she could yell at them for unprofessional behaviour in the workplace. She was doing the same thing. And loving it (not that she'd give House that information; he'd use it against her, surely).

House rolled his eyes. "We're having sex. Or we were until you barged in. Blondie here, I'm going to guess, dragged blondie number two down here to do the same."

"Blondie?"

"Blondie number two?"

"Which is which?"

He paused and considered them, surprisingly comfortable for someone half naked. He ignored their questioning completely and a snide expression crossed his face. "Foursome?"

"House!" Cameron's voice went up a few octaves.

Chase's jaw dropped nearly to the ground.

Cuddy groaned. She leaned in closer to House (not that there was much distance between them in the first place) and whispered harshly, "what? Wilson isn't enough for you? You have to add Chase and Cameron into the mix?"

He waggled his eyebrows at her and reached into the pocket of his jeans – which were hanging over the hospital bed next to them – for his cell phone. "You're right. I'll call him. He shouldn't miss out on this." He grinned and began to dial.

"House, be serious."

"Oh, I am being serious. See?" He pulled a face that was more creepy than serious-looking.

Cuddy grimaced.

"Hey Wilson," he said into the phone then. "Yeah. Room 214. Now. You won't regret it." He hung up without another word.

"We'll, uh," Chase said, "go. Won't we?" He shot Cameron a meaningful glare and nodded firmly at the door.

She swallowed and looked about ready to protest but nodded her agreement and forced a smile. "Yeah. Yeah, we'll go. We wouldn't want to get in the way of... anything."

"Wait," Cuddy told them as they moved towards the door and freedom. She waited for them to turn around. "This never happened."

"Agreed," Cameron said with a nod.

"Well, actually – " House began.

Cuddy silenced him by clapping one hand to his mouth. Looking to Chase, she raised an eyebrow. "Two weeks off clinic?"

"Fine. This 'never happened'," he said reluctantly. "You won't hear about it again from me."

"Good."

"Good."

A moment of awkward silence followed, in which much avoiding eye contact and some licking occurred. (Apparently House was more skilled than she'd thought at making every situation he was put into fit him; her hand though ticklish rather enjoyed the attention from his tongue).

Cameron was first to shake out of the weird trance-like state they'd all fallen into and Chase was right behind her. They left without another word, bumping shoulders with Wilson on his way in.

"Oh," Wilson choked, "my god!"

Cuddy groaned some more and House smirked. "What?"

"You guys and Cameron and Chase?" he asked, not flinching in the slightest at their dishevelled appearance. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, flicking the lock over so no one would interrupt.

_Damn_, Cuddy thought. _We should've done that_!

"Yeah," House said smugly. "You should've been here! It was great."

She didn't try to correct him. Why bother?

Wilson's face paled slightly. He shifted on the spot, brow creased with thought. Then he smiled, tore off his shirt and made his way over to them. "You have a lot to make up for, then."

_fin._


End file.
